I feel that filial piety and general respect towards one’s parents has somewhat decreased over the past generation together with the “modernisation” or so-called “opening up” of this world to Western values because of the Western dominance in today’s society. In the original Chinese culture, parents are respected highly by their children. 孔子， in 《弟子规》， describes how a child should respect his parents, in the morning greeting them, notify them when leaving the house, asking for their permission when doing anything. People may look on this as “old-fashioned”. However, I think that this shows true and proper respect for one’s parents. 《弟子规》also states that after the death of a parent, one must mourn and abstain from meat and wine for 3 years. This is because a baby depends on its parents for 3 years to learn to eat and walk before it can survive more independently. This shows the respect for one’s parents that should have in life. Of course, it may not be so practical to carry out such acts in real life. However, we must still have this respect for our parents. Notice that 《弟子规》does not promote complete, blind respect for one’s parents. It does say that children can correct their parents when they are wrong. However, the underlying respect must still be there (children should not shout at their parents or scold and if the parent does not listen, the child should not be angry but should beg and plead for the parent to listen). Nowadays, youngsters can lie and even dare to argue or yell at their parents (and not apologise later on, even blaming their parents for getting angry at them). This shows that children no longer respect their parents or their parents simply do not occupy such an important place in their childrens’ minds. Also, the care that children are supposed to show for their parents is becoming increasingly reversed. Instead, children are doted on by their parents and when they throw tantrums, parents will do anything to appease their anger (of course, this is just a generalisation. It doesn’t mean that everybody is like this). When children grow up, instead of caring for their parents like their parents did for them, they simply plonk their parents in a nursing home.
But why is this? Maybe it’s because humans were hardwired for max survival. This means that children would not care for their parents if it meant that their own survival was compromised (which most of the time it was) e.g. giving what little food/water there was to their parents. This would be fine when their parents were younger, but when parents grew old, they would die because no one cared for them. However, this was in a time when people struggled to survive, find food and water, and fight off wild beasts. But in present day society, even though humans in developed worlds like us no longer need to think so much about our survival, we still neglect our parents. And people who live in conditions where they really need to think about their survival still care for their parents.
So even though we are not really hardwired to care for our parents for the benefit of our survival, we should care for them because we no longer need to worry about our survival.
Monday, June 01, 2009
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I share most of your observations regarding the regrettable loss of respect to parents and elders in present day society. However, it is not due to just Western values and lifestyles eroding tradional eastern values and practices. Consider the phenomenon of rural-urban drift brought about by world changing economic trends. In rural societies in the past, children are totally dependent on thier farming parents/grandparents for their livelihood from cradle to death. In return, children serve as investments/Central Provident Fund safeguards, after the older folk are too old to work. Today and particularly in urban societies, children can surpass what thier elders can earn through their being better educated. In your grand parent's time tertiary education was accessible only to the well-to-do and the very bright. By your parents' time, a high proportion not only enjoyed higher education, many proceeded to post graduate studies. In LKY's time a Diploma or Degree from a University was a rarity. By his children's time, a Ph.D is not uncommon. Today for your generation, the quest is not just a Degree but a well paid and satifying career, after graduation. Thus their earning potential far exceeds that of their parents. So while still respecting their elders (assumimg they treasure filial piety) they tend to take decisions independenlty, instead of deferring them entirely to thier parents. There is a similar parerall in the choice of future careers. Parents no more decree what professions and careers their children should persue.They merely guide them.
ReplyDeleteIn the case of respect, it is important that this be sincerely extended to parents. They need not be overawed by their elders but display genuine deferrence to them. Thus a happy relationship is maintained with the parents feeling proud of their children for achieving greater success in their careers and the children still looking up to them when major decisions have to be taken, where experience counts most.
You are corect in noting that there is a reversal of attitude where, instead of being looked after in thier old age,parents continue to indulge their children. Why is this so? In the olden days, particularly in rural societies,parents slave round the clock and children, including the very young, have to put their shoulders to the wheel to aovid famine until the children are older but strong enough to take over. In this arrangment,the aged are then looked after, when the children inherit the family's principal asset, the farm. Today,in urban societies financially successful individuals do not face economic survival issues and may amass fortunes and then begin to indulge their children. To combat this, some enlightened parents see to it that their children work through College to learn the value of money.
Why do parents today get to be dumped into old folks' homes? I think it has to do with avarice or greed. In a not untypical case wealthy business men are so profit- driven and get carried away with amassing huge fortunes that parents are totally negleted as a result and the nursing homes become a convenient place to consign parents who are no more econmically useful.
Well it is good now and then to reflect on changing times and lifestyles. But be more searching in your analysis to arrive at a more balanced conclusion. Semi-retired philosopher.